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All reviews - Movies (3)

Oh Hi, Mark!

Posted : 10 years, 6 months ago on 16 May 2011 08:01 (A review of The Room)

The Room...this title alone is enough to make some people laugh uncontrollably. Not because The Room is such a great comedy, but because it is such a great unintentional comedy. This film is clearly meant to be dramatic and heart wrenching, but is written and directed in such a way that all the viewers can do is watch the unintentional hilarity unfold.

This has become a cult classic, compared to Troll 2 and Manos: The Hands of Fate. Mostly because the acting, writing, and directing is so atrociously bad that you can't look away. This film is a train wreck in the strongest sense of the phrase.
Let's begin the review:


The Room stands out amongst its "so bad it's good" brethren because it had a very large budget ($6 million. Yes, you read that correctly), at least when compared to others like it. It was shot on 35 mm film and high definition video at the same time, with the cameras on the same mount. Several actors quit the film due to creative differences.


The Room is about a love triangle between Johnny (Tommy Wiseau, also director, writer, and producer), Lisa (Juliette Danielle), and Mark (Greg Sestero). There are also several subplots that are abandoned as quickly as they are established.


The acting is horrible, to say the least. It's like the actors didn't know the movie was going to see the light of day, so they didn't try. The worst, however, is from Wiseau himself. He puts odd inflection onto every word, emphasizes the wrong syllables, and his accent makes him difficult to understand.


Normally, I wouldn't criticize dialogue because it's not easy to get right, but I'll make an exception for this. The dialogue in this film is awkward, stilted, and weird. At one point, out of nowhere Johnny asks Mark how his sex life is. This happens in a completely unrelated conversation. The characters constantly remind each other of who they are to one another, and Lisa and her mother have the same conversation at least three times.


This is a terrible, terrible film. But, I recommend it to anyone who loves bad movies, because it is amazingly funny.

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Not much can be said...

Posted : 10 years, 10 months ago on 5 February 2011 09:23 (A review of Vampires Suck)

Not much can be said about this movie, not much that is nice, anyway. There are, however, several honest things to be said.

First, the jokes:

These jokes are horrendous, cheap, and frankly, stupid. Most of the fall flat and don't really make much sense, but there are a few gems. many of them start out funny but quickly spirals into the realm of absurd, and have nothing to do with the plot.

This brings me to the plot:
The plot is basically Twilight and New Moon meshed together. This is not handled very well, and seems like they tried too hard. Why not just stick to the plot of Twilight, there is plenty of territory to parody there. One of the things this movie is good at, however, is sticking to the plot (at least when compared to other seltzerberg projects).

The acting:
This is easy to critique, as most of the acting is not very good.
Even Ken Jeong(sp), isn't very funny. The one bright spot is Proske, who gives a spot on impression of Kristen Stewart. If you close your eyes you can almost believe that the star herself is in this movie. Proske, however was not enough to save this garbage.


This is a pretty pathetic attempt at a parody with stale jokes and immature humor. The one good performance does not make up for the horrible ones. The plot is stupid and clumsily put together, and the production value is lacking. In short, do not see this film, you will beg for the time you lost, and wish you hadn't even watched the trailer.

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this is pathetic...

Posted : 10 years, 10 months ago on 31 January 2011 05:35 (A review of Sorority Row)

As we all know, this movie about a group of sorority girls who kill their friend and try to keep it a secret. The problem is that they don't try that hard, and they each tell one person that they did it. So, one year later, they are at a rush party and most of them are killed.

Overall the movie is very predictable, and it has a slow pace (there isn't a real death until about 40 minutes in). It's hard to get invested in the characters because most of them are not very likable, only two or three of them are slightly sympathetic. I wanted a particular character to die from the very beginning.

So, like I said, the movie is predictable. I predicted who the killer was fairly early, and could see where it was going most of the time.

This gets a 4 out of 10 because some of the murders were creative. Other than that, the movie has close to zero redeeming qualities, and is just another trashy horror flick that isn't campy or creative enough to be enjoyable. I don't recommend it to anyone.

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